My daughter’s question caught at my heart. I hadn’t seen my mother since before she suffered a stroke. Until a short time ago, we had been living in Canada’s far north, too far away for visits, and now I was fearful. Had the effects of the debilitation changed her more than just physically? We would soon know. She and my father would arrive any day at our new home in  central Alberta I swallowed my apprehensions and answered the question.

“You’ll love her, girls. She loves you both very much.”

I could see my response wasn’t quite satisfactory. My daughters needed something more. I watched nine-year-old Katie do a pirouette. Her sister Laura, seven, attempted a tap step. A friend had given us an old pair of shiny black tap shoes and both girls had laid claim to them. I smiled. “Grandma was a dancer, you know.”

Two little faces lit up. “She was? Did she tap dance?”

“Oh yes. She won prizes for dancing when she was young. I think I have some pictures downstairs. Let’s see what we can find.”

For my daughters, the old black and white photos that spilled out across my bed were an introduction to extended family. They pointed, and giggled. Katie peered at a photo of three young girls, about 11 or 12 years old. My mother, the girl in the middle, wore a polka dot blouse, short flared skirt and tap shoes adorned with big bows. Her short dark hair was gelled into kiss-curls on her forehead and cheeks.

I didn’t disturb Katie as she studied the picture. When she looked up, her eyes were hopeful. “Do you think she could teach us to dance?”

A memory flooded back—a slight, trim woman, holding the edges of her apron, her eyes twinkling as she did the “soft shoe” on black and white kitchen tile. “I’m sure Grandma will—” I started to say. The realization hit again. After two years of fighting  the paralysing effects of the stroke, Mom now wore a heavy brace on one leg and walked with a cane.

“Well,” I faltered. “Grandma’s legs don’t work the way they used to, but we’ll see….”

When Mom arrived, she had barely sat down in the kitchen for a cup of tea when Katie blurted the question that had stayed on her heart. “Grandma, will you show us how to tap dance? We have these shoes….” She plopped them into her Grandmother’s lap.

Mom beamed. “Oh, what wonderful taps, Kate!” She grasped the edge of the table and struggled out of her chair. With all of us holding our breath, my mother planted her cane firmly and gave my daughters their first tap lesson, shuffling her feet to demonstrate.

“Step, touch, click, step touch click. Oh, this brace is so clumsy! But it’s easy, girls. Come stand beside me and try it.”

As I watched them, listening to the click of Katie’s taps on the hard linoleum and the giggles coming from all three, I knew that, though the fortress that is my mother might slowly crumble, her indomitable spirit would never die.

Later, I thought  of Jeremiah , a prophet who often had to speak words of doom and destruction to the people of Israel. In the midst of pain, God gave him words of hope and a promise: “Then the maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” (Jeremiah 31:13)

 The embodiment of that promise stood before me. My fear turned to joy and thankfulness for that moment, a moment that was so much more than just a dance lesson in the kitchen

When the results come in later via email, I find out just how much I was off the pace by.  Suddenly, I’ve forgotten the warm sun, the smell of orange blossoms, and how much I’d enjoyed myself.  As the results start to dictate my mood for the rest of the day, I find the anxious cycle in my mind hard to break. I spend the day trying to remember the important lesson God has been teaching me over the last four years:  if you measure your self-worth by your successes, than you’re only as good as your last success.

You may think I’m crazy to put so much weight on a handful of seconds. I used to think it was crazy too. But then I got so deep in the athletic world that outside perspective became hard to find.  But I’m not the only one.  We’re all in the process of defining ourselves by standards we impose on ourselves.

How are you judging yourself these days?  What are your standards?  Does it ruin your day when you step on the scale?  When you look into your bank account?  When you look into your closet?  How do you feel when you see your co-workers succeed? When you hear about a friend’s new relationship?  When you hear about someone else’s children’s accomplishments? We’re all playing this game in some way or another, and we’ve got to stop. It’s ruining us.

It’s tough to stop comparing, and even harder to see ourselves for what we really are: children of God. This is the only real truth. We live in two realms: a physical one, and a spiritual one. When we are separated from the spiritual realm, we are at unrest in this world. Things don’t make sense. We feel lost and without purpose.  We seek for ways to define ourselves, but none of those ways that belong to the physical realm will ever satisfy us. Someone else will always appear to be better.

Jesus died on the cross to bridge that gap between the physical realm we were stuck in because of sin, and opened up the spiritual realm to us.  It is ours to live in even here and now, on this earth, if we believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God, that He died for us and that stood in our place and sacrificed Himself for the consequences of our sins (death). In the Book of John it says, “But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God” (John 1:12-13).

We never need to let ourselves be defined by our sin, or this physical realm ever again once we have accepted this ultimate truth.  Our identity has been rewritten: we are children of God, and nothing less. We bear His image now. “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18).

We have two choices. We can either accept this transformation and choose to see ourselves the way God does, or we can continue to limit ourselves to the physical realm and try to find standards that can calm our searching hearts there.  I promise you the peace won’t come.  Equally unsatisfying is the fallacy of thinking you’ve accepted your new identity in Christ, when in fact you are still measuring yourself by the standards of the physical realm.  Let it go.  Be completely transformed.  Remember: “Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).

This is how God defines your identity. What’s your definition?

Buoyed by my welcoming tone, she poured out her dilemma. She was actively engaged in a job search process, but very concerned she may be asked to commence work prior to her surgery scheduled for later that same year.  She thought perhaps she should put her efforts on hold until after surgery when she would truly be available to begin work.   For some reason, the jovial tone of her question raised my curiosity. She looked like the picture of youth, vibrancy and health. Illness or surgery would have been the last thing I thought of when I looked at her.   So, breaking my own rules of political correctness, I boldly asked what kind of surgery she had scheduled.

Her response surprised me so much I made her repeat it twice to ensure that something had not been lost in translation. No, I had heard right: She was scheduled for butt implants!

I was stunned.  I had heard about, but never personally met anyone who had elected for this type of surgery and, as my own butt had been the bane of my existence, I could not fathom someone voluntarily wanting to increase the size of their own. If she had wanted my full attention, she had definitely found the right theme to grab it. As we talked on about employment strategies, I kept wondering what would prompt this attractive young woman to elect to undergo such an invasive procedure. I later learned she was a Christian, actively involved in pastoral care and that she had young children, including a daughter. This only served to deepen the dissonance I was experiencing around her choice to prioritize vanity over employment.

During another meeting a few weeks later, the pieces began to come together.  A history of emotional abuse, isolation and depression had so withered this young woman’s self-esteem and tarnished her sense of worth that she felt compelled to pursue these expensive and risky procedures in an effort to regain and reclaim her beauty and her self-esteem. She revealed she had already had surgery on her breasts!  I thought about her young daughter and the message her actions were sending to a younger generation. I thought about her church community and the great loss any malpractice could create for them.  I thought about the deep rooted nature of mental illness, and how studies showed that external improvements did little to sustainably enhance, and often much to irrevocably destroy, deep self-esteem issues.

As I prayed for and with my newly acquired friend, I asked God to reveal to her where her true worth and beauty lay.  I also asked Him to remind me of my own worth and beauty, as I openly confessed that although her approaches were different, her underlying concerns where too familiar for me to ignore.

Ladies, how often do we place more value on external makeovers than internal transformation?  While society obsesses on the preservation of youth and the promotion of outer beauty, God is looking to beautify us from the inside out. He knows what most do not realize – the fountain of worth, value and all things beautiful ultimately flows freely from intimacy with Him.My sisters, my daughters, my friends – take the time to discover what true beauty is and seek more than anything to develop it in your life through a growing relationship with your Heavenly Father.  Then, even if you do decide to suck, tuck or pluck the undesirable away, you will know your real worth and beauty is not tied to a face or body image that is temporary at best, but rather the lasting image of God implanted in you (1 Peter 3:3, 4)!

I want to talk specifically about aging gracefully.  In our culture, , many feel ashamed because of their age.  But, do we stop to consider that not everyone will be blessed with the privilege of growing old?  God has numbered each of our days, so we should embrace them as a gift, rather than try to cover up the beauty of our years.

I’m going to be a grandma.  Well, actually, I’m going to be “Nana.”  We’ve been told our grandchild is a boy. Though he isn’t born yet, I love him more than I could have ever imagined.  I have already bought books I intend to read to him.  I’ve planned play dates: picnics at the playground, trips to the zoo, days at the beach and feeding the ducks. The other day, I even imagined his first Christmas concert.

For some time now, I have been working on my pride issues.  The other day, however, I flinched when someone referred to me as “Granny,” and I quickly changed the subject when the question of my age came up.  I didn’t see it coming, but I had trouble admitting I was old enough to be a grandmother.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, read on….

The Cost of Pride:

Pride  has an obvious financial cost:  Take beauty enhancements, for example. Their empty promises have us spending a bajillion dollars to cover up the truth.  Much of it doesn’t work, and what does work doesn’t last.  The money spent trying to make ourselves appear young(er), rich(er), smart(er) could have had a family, community or kingdom impact.  Conversely, admitting you are of a “seasoned” age can result in significant savings.

Misunderstandings: People can see our behavior, without understanding our motives.  As a result, people will misinterpret.  God forbid my children would ever think I didn’t want to be a grandmother, but my attempts to cover up my age have the potential to make them believe just that.  Embracing the moment of your life will bring immeasurable blessings.

Time and energy:  So that we can bask in the approval of others, most of whom we barely know, we exhaust ourselves trying to live a lie.  The time we spend concealing the truth could have spent with God, loved ones, or doing something we really enjoy.

Joy: God wants to bless your years. Pride robs you of all joy in aging. The trade off is years of bitterness and resentment because you focus on your lack of self worth, rather than the gift of time.  I can’t take credit for it but, by God’s design, I don’t look too bad for 51. When I live that truth, I feel pretty good about what God has done.

Lack of preparedness may well be the highest price you will pay.  Short of a premature death – you will get old.  Around the time of retirement, many people suffer from depression because they don’t know whose they are.  Their identity has always come from how they look or what they do.

The best time to prepare for the inevitable is before it happens.  This season can be one of the most productive and fulfilling in your life.  God will use your free time in ways you could never have imagined, if you are willing to act your age.

Here’s some simple things to do:

1. Confess your pride out loud, to a friend.  If you don’t have someone you can trust, send me a private message.  It may feel awkward at first, however, as you speak the truth, your pride loses power and you’ll wonder why it was ever an issue.

2.  Choose humility. I’m not talking about false humility where you deny God has ever done anything great with your life.  That doesn’t exalt God.

Here is an example:  When Kim and I were writing Radical Love…Forever Changed, often there were moments when we were astonished. The words we wrote were good.  We knew it was God’s work and that gave us confidence to pursue a publisher.  When we received an offer to publish our book, we were extremely excited but we weren’t surprised.  Recognize what God has done in you throughout your years.  That glorifies Him.

Reflection: One of the warning signs is when we bask in the glory of having others believe that which is not true about us.  Pride causes us to want to be different, better!  It’s not that there is anything wrong with wanting to improve, unless it stems from the belief that who we are is never good enough.  That kind of thinking denies the value of who we are in Christ.

Question:  Perhaps the real issue is not your age, but what causes you to feel shame. Take time to meditate on who God says you are.  Read through Psalm 139:13-18 for truth.

A humble spirit will obtain honor! It’s God’s promise.

While I was cleaning my home looking like I just rolled out of bed, the Holy Spirit laid on my heart that I am beautiful. I thought to myself, “Are you kidding me?” But then I heard, “Kendra you are taking care of the home I have provided for your family. And by the way, I love the worship music I hear you listening to and singing to while you serve me. I look into your heart and see the sincere appreciation you have cleaning this home I have provided.”

WOW! As I stand there with my mop in one hand looking at the wet floor I say in my head, “Thank You for showing me how beautiful I am today.”

I want women to show their beauty by dressing in appropriate clothes that are modest and respectable. Their beauty will be shown by what they do, not by their hair styles or the gold jewellery, pearls, or expensive clothes they wear. (1 Timothy 2:9 – GOD’S WORD Translation)

Ladies this is how God sees us. He doesn’t care what we are wearing, what hairstyle we have or if we ever put make up on. He sees our heart, our true beauty. He loves to see you serve Him with a joyful heart. David wrote, “O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me” (Psalm 139:1). Whether it’s changing diapers, scrubbing floors, sitting at an office desk or in a classroom all day, God examines our hearts and is so pleased when we do our work with joy.

A good attitude to go with our actions is one attribute to our true beauty. But there are others. How are our words related to beauty? This verse has stuck with me ever since I’ve discovered it: “Whatever is in our hearts determines what we say” (Matthew 12:34). We sure can look pretty on the outside, but this scripture is a good way of giving our hearts a check up. We can look beautiful, act beautiful and sound beautiful by speaking positive words to whoever crosses our path. Being a beautiful lady is not easy in this world. We have the pressures of keeping up with the women on the front cover of magazines.  Being a beautiful lady in God’s eyes means going against the worldly influences we face daily. The good news is we were all created in God’s image and our true beauty is seen by what we do. So the next time you look in the mirror, even if your hair is a mess and you’re not wearing high heels, stand confident and smile because you are a beautiful daughter of the Almighty King!

But before I know it, I encounter grittiness.  All I have to do is look in the mirror and I wonder, “When did I start having my mother’s neck?” Some days, I get so overwhelmed with my daily schedule and my “to-do lists” my heart starts pounding. I get confused and I arrive at work wearing two different earrings. What happened to that anticipated greatness?

The Bible tells me, “For we are God’s masterpiece” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT). But I have to be honest: most days I feel more like a beat up Raggedy Ann doll than a valuable and glorious creation.  It can be hard to remember this truth sometimes. God knows I understand His truths through visual concepts and it was my step-daughter Janice who showed me what it means to fully believe that you and I are God’s unique, masterpiece creation.

My husband Jack and I were visiting Janice, her husband Ken, and our grandsons Brendon, Alex and Ryan. They live on Vancouver Island in a distinctive home overlooking the picturesque Georgia Strait. After a noisy, laughter-filled supper hour Janice and I went for a walk along the ocean. We were deep in tender and intimate conversation about her mother, who had died of cancer. We talked about death, but also about new life and hope people bring us. At one point she stopped, looked me in the eyes and said, “Heidi, I have learned to love you so much. Can I call you mother?” I was startled because I never expected to hear those words—but overjoyed because I did. I embraced her and replied, “I would be so honored if you would call me mom.” Between lapses of gentle silence and moments of chatter, our steps slowly took us back to the house and reality, but I know our hearts were still warm from what we had just experienced.

Time passed and Janice kept asking me questions: What colors did I love? What were my favorite fabrics? What kind of designs did I love? I knew she was up to something! Two years later, there was a box underneath the Christmas tree and I was eager with anticipation. On Christmas morning I unwrapped the mysterious gift and unfolded the most magnificent handmade quilt I have ever seen. Raspberry colored silk with handmade rosettes covered this stunning piece of art. To me this was not just a quilt; it was a tangible expression of a labor of love. A visible object that said, “I accept you as my mom, and I love you.”

 I placed the quilt over the back of our chesterfield where it captures everyone’s attention as they walk down the hallway to our living area. The next time Janice and her family came for a visit, I learned one of life’s most valuable lessons. As Janice walked into our home, the rich colors of her quilt caught her eyes. What I saw next fascinated me. Her eyes never left the stunning beauty of each rosette. I watched as she turned the quilt over and retraced each one of her stitches. I saw the amazement, wonder and love in her eyes as she remembered every inch of this glorious creation. It was not duty that had propelled her to spend two years on this project; it was simply her desire to show me her love.

As I stood there riveted and fascinated by this intimate display of love, I finally got it. I am God’s masterpiece creation. I am uniquely made; not out of duty, obligation or a mistake, but intentionally made out of love. He knows every hair on my head; He knows the color of my eyes, my whacky personality, my abilities and my weaknesses. He loves me because He created me. I am His masterpiece creation- masterpiece meaning “Magnum Opus”-  a piece of art, a stunning success. 

Those days when I feel gritty, frustrated, and useless, I remember the way Janice looked at her quilt.  Then I have to remember and smile. I am God’s “Magnum Opus” masterwork creation-a work of art; a stunning success. I am valuable because God, the creator of Heaven and earth created me out of love.

She loves meeting new people and hearing their stories, finding mutual encouragement in each other’s experiences. That’s what she’s expecting when she speaks at Women Alive’s annual Waterloo conference this April.

“I’ve been to that Waterloo event,” she enthuses. “It was a tremendous event.”

But there’s another reason why the author of From Faking it to Finding Grace and Following God One Yes at a Time enjoys her job so much. Quite simply, invitations to speak became the way God invited her back into a relationship with Him. It may be a somewhat surprising answer to the question, “How did you start speaking?” but Cavanaugh believes it’s true.

While raised in a religious home, Cavanaugh had little concept of what having an actual personal relationship with Jesus Christ meant. But when someone explained it to her at the age of 18, she was hooked. She “jumped into the deep end of the pool.” Her life changed dramatically, and she sensed, from very early on, that her life would be devoted to full-time ministry. Even though it was 1970s, and there were few, if any, female preachers she knew of, she believed ministry was her calling.

Cavanaugh married her husband Gerry, a pastor. Together, they raised two daughters and a son. The family moved so her husband could complete his education. Everything was fine, except that it wasn’t.

“Life just got really hard. Because ministry is hard,” Cavanaugh reflects. “You’re always dealing with broken people and people with broken lives. And you’re dealing a lot of times with people with great needs.” Perhaps it was the reality of watching these painful situations, or the financial and time stresses of ministry, or a combination of everything, but Cavanaugh found herself drifting into what she calls a “spiritual wilderness.” She felt like she’d lost her faith, or maybe she’d been tricked in the first place.

Meanwhile, unknown to Cavanaugh, a woman began praying for her regularly. One day, she was convicted to invite Connie over and share a verse with her. It was Psalm 51:13: “Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will return to You.” She felt Connie was to do just that – teach transgressors God’s ways.

Except for one small problem: Connie Cavanaugh, the pastor’s wife, felt like a transgressor. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to believe God anymore, let alone help others do the same. She remembers crying out to God, “ ‘Hey God, if You’re still there and if You’re real like I used to think You were and I’m supposed to bring these sinners back, then great, fine, I’ll do it, I’ll say yes. But You’re going to have to come after me because I’m not sure where to find You.’”

So, the phone started ringing with unsolicited speaking invitations. And the first couple requests came from women who wanted Cavanaugh to speak from Psalm 51.

At first, she admits she thought it was a coincidence. But one “yes” led to another, and through the process Cavanaugh found herself in a gracious place where she can show others hope that can be found despite their shame and secret struggles.

And the next stop on her journey of saying “yes” is Waterloo.

“Women are going to laugh,” she promises. “Women are going to relax.” But more than anything, she hopes they come away with a clear picture of Jesus.

 “Hopefully they’ll even get a picture in their mind of what He looks like,” she says, admitting the “Hollywood” version of Jesus with brown hair and blue eyes will be acceptable. “You know what? It beats nothing. It’s at least a picture in our mind of who He really is.”

Another thing was weighing on my mind as
well. In the past three days, I had received two emails from people working for Christian broadcasters, requesting TV interviews to be aired during the Olympics. One of them said, “I am working on a program that will be featured on national TV and will allow you to share your faith to millions, right across Canada.”

Millions. It sounded like such a great opportunity, except for one thing: I don’t know if I’ll make it to the Olympics.
And another thing: millions of people would hear I am a Christian and I truly believe the only reason I have ever made this team is because God wants me on it. This morning at breakfast, I had bit my tongue and not even told my friend that I go to church!  There are a few
other athletes that have come through our national team system that have been vocal about their faith – more vocal than me, I’ll admit – and I’ve heard the reactions of my teammates. In a sport where we put in so much blood, sweat and tears, it is the norm to believe you only get somewhere because you earned it.
It is not normal to give someone else credit…especially God.

I reluctantly wrote the media contact backand told him that, while he could interview me if he wanted, I might not make it to the Olympics. He might not want to air the interview. He didn’t buy it. The next day I received an email saying, “Sounds great, Sarah.  I will make this
work however we do it!”

The word “millions” still rings through my
head.  What if I’m one of those millions
sitting at home watching this interview while my teammates compete in the Olympics without me?

Then God gives me a reality check: This is the whole point, Sarah.  Two broadcasters want to talk with me and share the story of God’s impact on my life. All of this has happened without me having officially made the team.  In fact, if I am perfectly honest,
some days I don’t think I have a hope of making the team this time around.  But I always get caught up in the fallacy of
thinking I need to make this next Olympic team to have success that will make people want to talk to me. Then I can share my story.

And then I remind myself, “The doors are wide open, Sarah.  It’s not your success they want to hear about.  It’s what God
has done in your life. If this was truly the opportunity you’re looking for, it’s here – six months earlier than expected!”

What if you were faced with the opportunity for millions to know you were a Christian and what God has done in your life? What
if every time someone looked up your name on the Internet, an interview about your walk with God came up? Would it change the way you live your life? Would it change how you manage your Facebook account? The way you talk to your friends?
What if you wrote for a Christian website every month, and it made you feel vulnerable – what if someone you know read it and make fun of it?

There’s a lot to lose in this life. There’s also a lot to gain. There’s even more to lose in eternity. There’s even more to gain.

God has placed each of us in a very specific place and has given  us
opportunities to  interact with certain people. That roommate, co-worker or neighbour probably won’t be in your life
forever. In the past year, numerous people have moved out of the reach of my everyday life for various reasons. Suddenly, you realize your chance to tell them about Christ is gone (or at least it seems like it for now).

Francis of Assisi is often attributed with saying, “Preach the Gospel at all times. When necessary, use words.” Evangelism can seem like a dirty word to many Christians. Maybe it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe you don’t want to be perceived as a loud-mouthed Christian
who is always “pushing” their “religion” onto other people. There are certainly times and places for being vocal about your faith. But as far as living your faith, evangelism can happen
every moment. John writes, “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)

The kingdom of God expands by a ripple effect. It is not our job to reach a million people at a time. In fact, the chances of impacting someone and bringing them into God’s kingdom in a TV
interview are probably pretty slim. Daily interactions count: one person talking to another, influencing that person’s life for the better. Then that person reaches someone else. God’s love spreads exponentially, in ways we could not have imagined, using the least expected people.

Let us not be reserved in sharing the hope we have found.  It makes all the difference in our lives – what makes us think it won’t make all the difference in someone else’s?

When I am afraid of making this hope I’ve found public, it is because I am afraid of what people will think if I am not a “successful person.” Sharing our faith is easy if things are going well. But daily
life means trusting God when we can’t see the outcome. Sometimes we have glimpses into God’s purpose, where it suddenly all makes sense, but these are moments of encouragement.  We can’t
reside in these places for our whole lives.

In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes:

“As long as you think you are of value to Him, He cannot choose you, because you have purposes of your own to serve.  But if you will
allow Him to take you to the end of your won self-sufficiency, then He can choose you to go with Him ‘to Jerusalem’ (Luke 18:31).  And that will mean the fulfillment of purposes which He does not discuss with you. We tend to say that because a person has natural ability, he will make a good Christian.  It is not a matter of our equipment, but a
matter of our poverty; not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a matter of natural virtues, of strength of character, of knowledge, or of experience – all of that is of no avail in this concern.  They only think of value is being taken into
the compelling purpose of God and being made His friends (1 Corinthians 1:26-31).”

We don’t need to wait for success before we share the Gospel. God wants our poverty.  He does not need us to be strong to fulfill His purposes. He needs us to be weak, because this reminds us of the Gospel: “For while we were still weak, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly” (Romans 5:6).  It’s not about us. It’s about Him.  For the sake of others, we need to stop waiting for the right moment when we feel confident and well equipped to share the Gospel. The truth is, the Gospel has the power to save any one, at any time
(Romans 1:16). That timing is not my choice – it’s God’s!