Women Alive

Has anyone ever told you they envy you? “I wish I had your…what?” Fill in the blank. Maybe it’s your style, or your Master’s degree, or your uptown job, or your smarts, or your gorgeous husband, or your savvy investments, or the Lexus you tool around in, or the Lulu Lemon yoga pants you look so good in, or your fabulous hair, or your “perfect” kids or the way you make people laugh?

Chances are, if you are like most of us, you have seldom been on the receiving end of that exchange. It is far more likely you have been on the other end, feeling envious about something you see in the life or character of another woman. And chances are, you keep silent about it, feeling guilty for the jealousy and down on yourself for the way you don’t seem to measure up.

Jealousy is a normal human emotion. It’s not good. Or good for you. But it’s normal, by which I mean, it is common to us all. I can’t tell you how often I find myself swept up and carried along by feelings of envy. It happens so fast I don’t even recognize or identify it right away. It is like stepping on a land mine, catching you completely by surprise and literally throwing your emotions into a tailspin.

Suddenly a good day turns sour, the smile melts off your face, you feel emptiness in your gut and the energy you had a minute ago has leaked out, leaving you feeling listless, sad, scared or even a bit hopeless. And why? It could be something as simple as a brief encounter with an old friend via Facebook in which it appears she has the life (kids, job, husband, car, wardrobe, you name it) that you don’t have but want. Bammo! Clouds roll in.

Let me give you two steps you can take to clear your mental sky and bring the sun back out in your mood:

1.     Say it out loud: “I am jealous of Julie’s promotion at work.” Saying it out loud (as long as you aren’t standing in line at Safeway), guarantees you won’t deny it or stuff it. Hearing yourself say it out loud has a certain shock effect: it grabs your attention. You’ve heard “Satan loves secrets,” and the best way to deny him is to bring that secret out in the open.

2.     Pray it to God: “Thank You, Lord, that Julie has been promoted. Use it in her life to bring her closer to You…etc.” Don’t stop praying until you sense a shift in the wind. As you pray for the very thing that made you jealous, your negative thinking will be replaced with positive thinking. Your envy will be changed to compassion. Your bitterness will become acceptance and perhaps even love.

Feelings of jealousy are normal and common to us all. Don’t let them defeat you. Instead, simply use those negative feelings as your personal prayer reminder and watch God bring back your confidence, your joy and your positive outlook.