Women Alive

“I’ve found that if you establish the right relationship with your toddler, you won’t have much to worry about when she becomes a teen.”  These words, kindly spoken, helped Gerry and me become far better parents. Up to this point, our first child at 18 months was so unruly we could not leave her with anyone or take her anywhere without her causing so much chaos we would often have to leave. We were at our wit’s end the day the Holy Spirit used this gentle remonstrance to alert us to our urgent need for help and to guide us to earnestly seek it!

What happened between me and this godly older woman who, like me, was also a pastor’s wife and a mother – she had raised seven – was mentoring. Although we never had a formal mentoring relationship whereby we met regularly and had an agenda, our relationship was characterized by her teaching from experience and my learning through need. She had walked the journey ahead of me and I was desperate to learn what she knew.

I have had several informal mentors along the way; some were older, some were not. Age is not as important as experience. My relationships with mentors were always based on the fact that they knew something I needed to learn. Therefore I learned from mothers, minister’s wives, home schoolers, good money managers (I didn’t learn much!), great cooks (another failed experiment), speakers, writers and so much more.

Now, 30 years later, I am humbled (and a little worried) to know that I have been for other women what my mentors were for me. I am a mentor too. And so are you. All of us are mentors whether we know it or not and whether we like it or not. Others are watching us. They are observing how we handle our children. They are assessing our close relationships. They are evaluating how we manage stress and deadlines at work. They take stock of what is and is not in our home. They make judgments about our wardrobe.  Everything we do and say and have sends messages to others about who we really are and what we hold dear.

Don’t panic! Some of you might be tempted to install heavier drapes, change your phone number and buy Jackie O sunglasses. Chill.

Just be yourself. Live your life as honestly and openly as you can. Be transparent.

• When you mess up, admit it: I lied to a dear friend recently and was so ashamed it took me a week before I could confess and ask for forgiveness. What joy and peace I had when absolution was wholeheartedly given with a confession of her own. Honesty begets honesty.
• When you succeed, share it. Has God blessed you? Don’t hoard what He has given you whether it is stuff or wisdom or time or spiritual insight, there are others who need what you have to offer.
• When you fall, get up. – because we all fall. That’s why grace is such Good News!
• When you win, show others how you did it.  I am so grateful that other speakers and writers have helped me repeatedly along the way and I have “paid it forward” may times myself.
• When Jesus meets you at your point of need, tell others. Just say it as naturally as you can to whomever God brings across your path – a coworker, your child, your friend, your spouse. Let God use it to encourage and bring hope.
• When Jesus seems distant, go looking. Tell others. Ask for prayer. Believe that He is pursuing you and be on the lookout for signs of His presence. Read From Faking it to Finding Grace…just sayin’…grin.

Let others see the real life of Christ lived out in your real life. You will be mentoring everyone who watches your life and the message they will receive will be trustworthy because it won’t be phony baloney super-spiritual air brushed sainthood that simply causes others to feel hopeless and discouraged.

Christ lives in us. We live in Him. That is a dynamic relationship full of the same ebb and flow as our earthly relationships. There are days we love our kids and days we want to hurl them over a precipice. There are days we adore our husbands and days we want to change the locks while they are at work. That’s life. That’s why we need a Savior. Let others see the Savior at work in you and you will be a wonderful mentor.