Women Alive

I love this “empty nest” season of life.  The house stays clean. The fridge stays full. The laundry stays done. The house stays quiet. What’s not to love?  And yet, every once in a while, usually late at night, I find myself thinking back over the last almost 27 years of parenting and wishing I could go back and have a do over.  There are definitely some things I would do now, that I didn’t do then. If I could go back……..

1)      I’d take the kids camping.  I feel like we missed something. I feel sad when I hear stories of families bonding around late night campfires, roasting marsh mallows together and falling asleep to the cry of loons gliding across the lake.  We tried it once but I was informed it’s not really camping when you can walk across the road for your morning Tim Horton’s coffee. That ruined it for me.

2)       I’d write down everything my kids said or did. You know, I remember thinking over the years, “That is the most brilliant thing any child has ever said, no need to write it down. I certainly won’t forget that.” And while I distinctly remember thinking that, I can’t for the life of me, remember any of the brilliant things those kids said.

3)      I’d have more kids.  At least 10 of them. Two is simply not enough. I figure the more I had the higher my chances of having at least one of them live close by instead of abandoning me to follow their dreams and other selfish pursuits like that.

And then they are certainly some things I did back then that I wouldn’t do now. If I could go back……………

1)      I wouldn’t try and discipline them in the middle of a meltdown. It never worked. I’m not sure why it took years for me to figure this out. I’d wait till all the screaming, flailing and hysterics were over. And once I was completely calm, I’d send their father in to straighten them out.

2)      I wouldn’t let them decide if they wanted to clean their own room or not. I’d insist on it.  I went back and forth on this one for years.  I finally decided, out of pure frustration to just, “close their door after all it is their room.” That is a big lie.  Truth is, they are just borrowing that room for 18 years or so, the guy who actually owns it is the one who makes the mortgage payment on it.

3)      I wouldn’t give them to the count of three to decide if they were going to obey me or not. Now I know this is likely to make a lot of parents upset but I’m not sure this is something we really want to teach our kids. I don’t consider myself an expert in child discipline by any stretch of the imagination (and I have two offspring that would readily concur) but in looking back I wish I had required my kids to obey me straight away. I’m not sure giving them time to consider the options was such a great idea.

Let me tell you why.  Obeying a parent immediately is a matter of safety. We don’t want children left to decide whether or not they will obey when they are standing in the middle of the road with a car hurdling towards them.  We want them to run out of harm’s way as fast as their fat, little legs will carry them.

Obeying a parent immediately is a matter of acknowledging authority. God has ordained that children should be under both the protection and the direction of their parents. It’s a great plan and it is never too early for our offspring to understand that, despite their concerted efforts, they aren’t the ones in charge.

Obeying a parent immediately is a matter of trust. We want our children to be so convinced of our commitment to them, so sure that we have their best interests at heart, that they obey us even when they don’t understand why they have to.

Here comes the hard part. Sometimes in the fray of life I forget I’m God’s child and He’s looking for my obedience as well. The reasons are the same.  I’m to obey for my own safety. God has established certain boundaries for my protection. If I choose to disobey and step out from under His care I, as His child, will have to pay the consequence. And unfortunately, the time out chair gets harder the older we get.

I’m to obey immediately as a reminder that someone bigger than me is actually in control. It’s a precious discipline to willingly submit to His authority in every area of my life.  I’m happiest when I, as John Ortberg says, “resign as the master of my own board.”

And lastly I’m to obey without hesitation as sign of trust. There have been so many times in my life He asked me to obey Him when I had no clue why.  I didn’t understand why I had to talk to that person, or say no to that opportunity or wait quietly or pray fervently but He knew why. In retrospect I’m wondering if He was waiting to see if I trusted Him enough to simply obey.

Is it possible today that He is asking you to be obedient to His voice, to His counsel, to His Word? It might be something small that He is requiring of you or it might be the most difficult thing that you have ever done. My friend let me assure you, He will never ask anything of you that He won’t give you the strength to do.  Trust Him. Be obedient.